Thursday, June 03, 2010

My Fear

Finding out that I was pregnant sent me into a state of shock and worry. I kind of hate to even admit that because I know that this is truly a blessing, but if I am being honest, then yes, I was freaking out a little.

I am a mom of 2, wife, worship leader, worship minister, sister, daughter, pastors wife, friend.....and probably more. All of that kept rolling through my head when I saw that pregnancy test turned positive in 2.3 seconds. "How do I do all of this? How do you add a 3rd child? Where will we put him/her? I can't do all of this." I have been afraid. Scared. Excited. And scared all over again.

As I prayed and walked through some things this week to face these things, the Lord kept reminding me that there none of these things, even if I was only ONE of them, could be done without him.

"When we see you we find strength to face the day. In your presence all our fears our washed away." That is a line from the song "Hosanna by Paul Baloche. I am reminded that when I am doing these things in my own strength I have taken my eyes off him. It's like I have decided that I don't need him and then comes the fear, anxiety and worry. Not a good combination.

I am encouraged that God doesn't want us to do these things alone. He never asked us to. I am encouraged that I know He will provide for me in whatever way He decides and that it will be His perfect will. Staying tuned in to his voice and letting go is the key.


Callie said...

I still get fearful, overwhelmed, excited, nervous, and all sorts of things over just one. And, at first I felt like a bad person for being anything but elated because so many people would kill to be in my shoes---even on the days with my head in the toilet sick as a dog. I know that the Lord will bless this time and give you plenty of time to wrap your head around it all and figure it all out before Baby 3 comes (luckily we get close to 9 months)! We'll be praying that your sickness is not too bad and that you have the energy to keep up with the kiddos and provide for this baby. Take care of yourself and enjoy it! You will definitely be able to juggle three and make it look easy- I have no doubt!

Sandy Powers said...

Natalie, I love your transparency. I know what a soothing and healing blessing it is to others who may not give themselves permission to doubt or fear or have questions. As they see someone like you have them, work thru them, and be eventually strengthened by them -- they are ministered to like they couldn't be if your walk on this earth were always one of perfection.

As I read thru "The Sacred Romance", I'm reminded too that our life wasn't created to be the perfect mom, worker, friend, etc. but to be in a love relationship with Jesus. Out of that comes beauty in the rest. I think you exemplify that in an amazing way!!!!

And I for one -- CAN'T WAIT FOR #3!! One more set of big blue eyes to photograph. . . omg. . .I'm in Heaven :)