It was a year ago....

It was a year ago that I posted my last blog. In fact, I found old drafts that I tried to write and could never hit publish. My intentions for writing a blog were to get out my thoughts, put memories down of the kids, and just have an outlet. For whatever reason though every time I sat down to write a blog about the kids, or whatever other random thing, it just never stuck. It felt forced and weird. And frankly, I didn't really feel like I had much to say.

 I was very much still adjusting to becoming a pastors wife, living in New Braunfels, navigating school aged kids with activities, our busy life at the church, and making new friends. The words that come to mind immediately are:

BUSY

DRIVEN

RUSHED

TIRED

This past February my grandfather passed away. The year had just started and I had just been coming off a month of trying very hard to start over. Become a better mother. Better wife. Better homemaker. Better pastor's wife. Better friend. Sister. Daughter....

Better everything.

And then we get word that my grandpa is passing. "You need to come to Houston right now. It won't be much longer." Jason and I got in the car that night to make the 3 hour drive and talked about the importance of family the whole way there.  We listened that week at his funeral of my grandpa's love for family. Even till the end that is all he cared about. Calling up to my office when I worked to see how I was doing. Spending retirement money on my first car. Making sure my kids always knew they could ask him for anything. Even if it was random toys from garage sales. Laminating pictures of the grandkids. Making scrapbooks to remember us. Part of me wonders if it was his way of making sure he never forgot. It was his way of loving his family and I believe he did it all in the name of love.

And it hit me.

2013 and 2014 were all about me.  I think that is why it was so hard to even sit down and write a blog.  My "woe is me" state would not have been very interesting to read. And probably a little depressing to be honest with you. Thank God I never hit "publish" on those posts. (Thank you, Jesus!)

I have had the best time with my family this year and it's only May.  And I've had the best time being me.

What a gift.