Reagan woke up hungry at 5:30 this morning. For some reason I thought it was 6:30 and decided to stay up. I took a bath, read a book and kept wondering why my family wasn't out of bed yet and why it was was so dark outside still. Ha. Part of me was angry that I wasn't in bed fast asleep, but as I sit here typing I realize that it had to be God nudging me out of bed.
I picked up a book recently called "Gifted to Lead" by Nancy Beach. She is the Creative Arts Pastor at Willow Creek Community Church in Chicago. You may have heard of it. It's huge!! Anyway, this book is about leading as a woman in the church. She talks about every subject you can think about. From being a part of the "Boys Club", to finding your own voice and even comparing yourself to other women (ie; Mommy Wars). I found myself really relating to the last reference at this particular season in my life. A lady from our church once commented to my mother (in-law) how together I always seemed to be and that I never seemed to lack confidence. I immediately laughed hysterically and then probably cried too. That is so the opposite of how I feel! My Sunday mornings are nuts. 2 kids. Breakfast. Jason and myself. Preparing to lead worship. Worrying about the stain that just got on my shirt. Communicating to my team. Jackson's runny nose. Being too tall on stage (seriously, I think about this). Wondering if my kids are suffering because I am singing for 3 services. Did I turn the air off at home. Did I just say that on stage in front of people? The list goes on and I'm sure you can relate if you are a woman. It never ends and that's just one day out of the week!
This morning I am reminded of God's grace. I am reminded of the love and the passion for my callings. Everything in me believes that God will never give us anything we can't handle. I am first and foremost called to be a follower of Him. Second, a wife and a mother. Everything else follows. To all my friends...listen for HIS direction. We can not get sucked in to comparing ourselves to what Betty next door does. Some of us are not Martha Stewart. We aren't going to be able to make Halloween costumes or cook meals like Paula Dean. I've tried. It's horrible and people may die. Jk. :) And for those of you who are....that's what you were made to do! You have a gift! You staying at home DOES have purpose. I admire so many woman who are at home with their kids ALL day long. You seem to do it all and the more.
I am determined to encourage myself and those around me to do exactly what God has asked them to do. My heart has broken for those who feel stuck, guilty or like they are failures. That's not from God and it's a lie. Don't believe it for one second. Seek Him for what you should do. Not what others say or even those crazy hormones of ours. We are doing the best we can and in my opinion...we are doing a pretty great job.