I'm going to write a book. It's going to be about my life. Then I'm going to send it to Oprah and she'll read it and it will become a best selling book. A couple of years later, they'll make a movie out of it.
Sometimes I think that I could make myself shocked and surprised about things in my life. It's been a crazy couple of weeks. There are always those times that you start to almost freak out and say "okay...really...no more. Stop it Life. I dont' want to deal with you anymore. Please be nice." I almost got to that point...well I guess I did get to that point. No , it's not that suicidal point..it's just that "I've had enough" point! I think though that it was something that I needed to happen. I hate that it was the only way to wake me up though.
I think when things aren't going perfectly we tend to draw on God more than we ever have. Begging, pleading. I've cried a couple of those "I'll do ANYTHING" prayers lately. Ha. That makes me laugh. Now that I am a little removed though, I realize that God is deeply involved with me. I can't get away with anything! I think that if I don't think about my times withGod then he won't know. Are you kidding me? Have you ever felt like that? It's like we are hiding away from him, but HELLO Natalie...You can't. You can't hide from God. You're hiding from yourself.
I wonder what He thinks when I am like that? I wonder what He thinks when I pass someone up in need because of my own selfishness? Or when I don't go to him in prayer, but go to other people instead. Or when I am prideful and he's just asking me to humble myself.... Or when I refuse to see him in all that I do.
I wonder if God cries each time I cry out to him and repeatedly don't get that....He is all I need. I always wonder why I can't hear Him.....Why I can't see Him.
He probably wonders that too.