It was a year ago....

It was a year ago that I posted my last blog. In fact, I found old drafts that I tried to write and could never hit publish. My intentions for writing a blog were to get out my thoughts, put memories down of the kids, and just have an outlet. For whatever reason though every time I sat down to write a blog about the kids, or whatever other random thing, it just never stuck. It felt forced and weird. And frankly, I didn't really feel like I had much to say.

 I was very much still adjusting to becoming a pastors wife, living in New Braunfels, navigating school aged kids with activities, our busy life at the church, and making new friends. The words that come to mind immediately are:

BUSY

DRIVEN

RUSHED

TIRED

This past February my grandfather passed away. The year had just started and I had just been coming off a month of trying very hard to start over. Become a better mother. Better wife. Better homemaker. Better pastor's wife. Better friend. Sister. Daughter....

Better everything.

And then we get word that my grandpa is passing. "You need to come to Houston right now. It won't be much longer." Jason and I got in the car that night to make the 3 hour drive and talked about the importance of family the whole way there.  We listened that week at his funeral of my grandpa's love for family. Even till the end that is all he cared about. Calling up to my office when I worked to see how I was doing. Spending retirement money on my first car. Making sure my kids always knew they could ask him for anything. Even if it was random toys from garage sales. Laminating pictures of the grandkids. Making scrapbooks to remember us. Part of me wonders if it was his way of making sure he never forgot. It was his way of loving his family and I believe he did it all in the name of love.

And it hit me.

2013 and 2014 were all about me.  I think that is why it was so hard to even sit down and write a blog.  My "woe is me" state would not have been very interesting to read. And probably a little depressing to be honest with you. Thank God I never hit "publish" on those posts. (Thank you, Jesus!)

I have had the best time with my family this year and it's only May.  And I've had the best time being me.

What a gift.

Come Home Running

I have not been able to get my husbands message out of my head yesterday.  It wasn't that I had not heard this particular bible story before, but you would have never known that from the way I sat choking back tears during both services. 

The story of the prodigal son in Luke 15 is one of hope, restoration and a beautiful reminder of God's deep love for us.  I have sat in church for close to 20 years hearing this story and yet yesterday it spoke to me so differently.  

A son who took all his father's money, squandered it and then lived recklessly.  He completely destroys his life, starts feeding pigs just so he can eat and finds himself wishing he ate as good as the pigs did. He said, "I'll go home and ask my father if I can be a servant in his home."  Oddly enough that story doesn't sound to unfamiliar in the culture we live in. Happens all the time. 

Normally I would chalk it up to be that I was just particularly emotional yesterday because I now have children.  But yesterday it was different. It was for the heartbroken parents who have grown children that are far away from Jesus.....for the man or woman who's spouse is so far gone from the truth that they just want to give up. For those that were sitting in my church feeling like they THEMSELVES have messed up so badly that God would never love them. Even myself who sometimes feels like I don't deserve any of this. If people only knew my faults, insecurities and fears....


And then, (like my husband so emotionally and beautifully described) we get to this part. 

But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. 

Luke 15:20

But while he was still a LONG. WAY. OFF. He ran to him. Arms open wide. Weeping and rejoicing that his son had come home. Who cares that he had squandered all his money!!! Who cares that he had lived recklessly and probably did unimaginable things!!  It just didn't matter.  He felt compassion. He got out the best robes. The best food. 

For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found!" 

Luke 15:24

It just didn't matter. It didn't matter what he had done, where he had done it and everything in between.  And as I looked around at our sweet congregation and saw men and women wiping tears away from their eyes, I knew.  They too felt what I felt. Brokenness. Grace. Mercy. A grateful heart. Humility for something we so DO NOT deserve, but want and GET from God every single day.  A reminder to be more like Jesus with open arms for those in our lives. A reminder that God has forgiven us. A reminder that God loves us. 

For the far-away child, wife, husband, sister, mother, brother, friend......Come home running. His arms are open wide. His name is Jesus and He understands. 

Cleaning house

I feel like the majority of last Thursday thru this Tuesday was spent holed up in our house. Yes, it was freezing cold, but I also just didn't really want to go anywhere. We had been GOING so much that I was just ready to be at home. 

Home. No where else. Except to maybe Target because I can't live without it.  

I had an awesome bible study on Tuesday morning with some girls from church and then spent the rest of the day catching up on some church work. 

Only this child. 

Wednesday is my day to clean the house. I have been really trying to teach the girls good habits about taking care of their room. They are doing a really good job and Miss Madi is obviously all over the cleaning thing.  She cracks me up (no pun intended). I find her using that mop in the craziest places.  I had just gotten them out of the bath and she ran away from me.  After calling for her over and over, I found her like that.  

We also have been getting rid of a lot. Clothes, unwanted toys, things that I just don't use anymore. Why in the world do I have a closet full of blankets. Blankets?  Do I really need 15 blankets that are maybe dated back to my 7th grade year. Honestly....

 I, oddly enough, really like to have a clean house, but I am HORRIBLE at laundry. Awful. I have really tried to be better at staying on top of it, but it never fails that at the end of the week we still have piles of it. It drives me crazy. I always laugh when friends say that my house is so clean and organzied. "You don't see my closets", is what I tell them. 

Girls cleaned and made their own beds

We celebrated our day of cleaning grilled cheese on the Hello Kitty Grilled Cheese Maker.  I did not have one (Daniel Plan) , but the girls loved it. They really must make a fortune off this stuff! 

I kind of like that we are entering the growing up phase in our family. I'm ready to share a few of my chores with my kids. ;-)