I very rarely bring my job into my blogs, but have felt for some time the need to share my heart. It's really not about people reading it...it's more for me to just say it. Hope it's not too stupid!
My experience as a worship leader has been short. I didn't grow up around church music. My family attended catholic church off and on, but I remember little of what that was like. When I was in high school a friend invited me to church with her and I sang in the choir. I was trained classically through out high school and a little of college. I never really knew what worshipping God meant. When I moved to San Antonio at 19, I was completely clueless to what I was even going to do here. I knew that music would be a part of it, but my ideas and God's didn't exactly match up. I remember what it first felt like to engage in worship. I would sit in the back of the church and feel the Lord's presence so strongly. I couldn't help, but worship Him. I knew that God was so much bigger than me and I didn't even care where he would take me in life, I just wanted to follow Him. I was thankful for that. I was overwhelmed by that. I worshipped Him for that. Finally I had gotten it. A couple of months later I joined the worship team and not even a year later started leading worship.
Now, here I am the "Worship Minister". (That sounds weird..ha) My goal in worship leading is to lead others into the same experience I had with God that day. I don't know how much I succeed at times, but then again, it's not about me. Still, I wonder. I find myself still getting nervous, still beating myself up, still worrying about my voice.....yada yada...and I think that with anyone who is on a platform is going to struggle with that. Let's just face it. It's flesh. We do. But, really...most of all, I find myself crying out to God every single Sunday morning for His presence to consume us. I don't want to be a worship leader consumed by "me", but for His people. I want His people, US, to be consumed by Him. I want preference, styles and "worship" opinions to get out of the way. (And all those hate e-mails too) :) I want it to be real, relevant, free and honest. That is my heart and my prayer. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about these things.
I am privelaged to get to lead worship. It's humbling and fulfilling. Someone took a chance on me and said they believed in me. There will be a day that I'm sure this part of my life will come to an end, but thank you God for this season. Thank you.
