A Night With Jason

Jason's parents are watching Jackson for us....but since we are poor we are staying home and watching movies. (Thanks Aaron and Bre for the great idea!)

Today was a really good day though. Just an all around great day. :) I got to watch a movie, my favorite TV show and hang out with my Hubby and baby. It was great.

Tomorrow is back to work. I remember when I used to work at "the other place" and hated it. I would always dread going in...EVERYDAY, but now I actually can't wait to get there and I look forward to seeing the people I work with.

Well, I am probably burning the garlic bread in the oven. I must get to my "wifely" duties.

Ciao.

Working From Home

I am working from home on Mondays from now on. I am really glad. Jackson is so much easier to take care of here. I have my internet and everything I need to do my job! Life is great!

Yes, life is great. I have seen so many awesome things lately. Even when things have seemed to....well, suck.....I am still in love with my life. I have great family and friends. Jackson's dedication was yesterday and we were able to do it with Carson too! I love us being able to do all of this together. It just has something so sentimental and special about it. I guess I am pretty lucky. I had this very surreal moment yesterday when Jason was holding Jackson. It was as if the whole world went fuzzy and they came into focus. I immediately stopped and thought..."Wow...I never saw that coming 4 years ago!" I couldn't believe it. It was like it finally hit me. I have so much to be thankful for. Our pastor spoke yesterday on the discipline of celebration. I had never thought of it like that. How often do we not celebrate what God is doing??? How often do I complain that I don't have something?? Always....

This is just a mixture of thoughts....nothing is really making sense. Too early ...ha.

To sum it up.....

I'm happy...I'm learning....I'm saved.

My Life and Oprah

I'm going to write a book. It's going to be about my life. Then I'm going to send it to Oprah and she'll read it and it will become a best selling book. A couple of years later, they'll make a movie out of it.

Sometimes I think that I could make myself shocked and surprised about things in my life. It's been a crazy couple of weeks. There are always those times that you start to almost freak out and say "okay...really...no more. Stop it Life. I dont' want to deal with you anymore. Please be nice." I almost got to that point...well I guess I did get to that point. No , it's not that suicidal point..it's just that "I've had enough" point! I think though that it was something that I needed to happen. I hate that it was the only way to wake me up though.

I think when things aren't going perfectly we tend to draw on God more than we ever have. Begging, pleading. I've cried a couple of those "I'll do ANYTHING" prayers lately. Ha. That makes me laugh. Now that I am a little removed though, I realize that God is deeply involved with me. I can't get away with anything! I think that if I don't think about my times withGod then he won't know. Are you kidding me? Have you ever felt like that? It's like we are hiding away from him, but HELLO Natalie...You can't. You can't hide from God. You're hiding from yourself.

I wonder what He thinks when I am like that? I wonder what He thinks when I pass someone up in need because of my own selfishness? Or when I don't go to him in prayer, but go to other people instead. Or when I am prideful and he's just asking me to humble myself.... Or when I refuse to see him in all that I do.

I wonder if God cries each time I cry out to him and repeatedly don't get that....He is all I need. I always wonder why I can't hear Him.....Why I can't see Him.

He probably wonders that too.

My Opened Eyes

Yesterday was not a good day.

I thought I had something to say.....

I want things to be simple like this rose. We took this on our honeymoon. A rose has so much beauty and awe in it. I want my life to have beauty.

I find freedom....

This seems to be the place where I can lay my thoughts down. Not a million people read it...so I can be more free I guess.

I find freedom in doing this. I should do it more. I find myself more and more putting on a "happy" face. It's not that I am NOT happy because truly I am. I have a great life! I have had people tell me that multiple times and wonder why I am "complaining". There is something though about being real with one another. So that's what I want to do. I hate putting on a mask. Life IS hard sometimes. There, I said it!! Finally.

I just want to be real. I found this wonderful song by "Bethany Dillon". It hit me hard. It's called "Beautiful".I relate so much to those words. The whole song really. It's not just a "physical" thing. It's all of me. I want all of me to beautiful. More than the outside, I want the inside to be beautiful.

"Someone hear my cry, I'm dieing for new life. I want to be beautiful. Make you stand in awe. Look inside my heart and be amazed. I want to hear you say, who I am is quite enough. I just want to be worthy of love. Beautiful."